16 Oct Day 6: Nicolas
“We love because he first loved us.”
1 John 4:19
Nicolas
“It’s not that they don’t want you,” I heard myself say to Nicolas. He was sitting on the edge of the sofa, while I knelt down beside him, trying to gaze directly into his grief-stricken eyes. I struggled for the words to finish this sentence. I understood both sides.
Nicolas 13, and his older brother, Lucas 15, came to us a couple of years ago. Lucas, with some learning delays, is always cheerful. Nicolas has a more melancholy personality. He sees the complexities of their situation and is torn. He feels responsible for his older brother, yet he longs to be part of a real family.
Each of our kids is paired with “Godparents,” or a family from a church in the community. Sometimes they take them on outings, and they always bring gifts on special days like Easter and Christmas. This was the second time that Nicolas had begged to be adopted by his Godparents. Now I had to explain to him that while this family cared for him deeply, they were not ready to adopt a 13-year-old.
I dried his tears, and I gave him a bowl of ice cream. It was already a rare treat to be in Auntie’s house—especially to be there having a bowl of ice cream. Finally, he looked imploringly at me, and he asked me the dreaded question, “Why can’t you and Uncle Philip adopt me?” “Son, we already have,” I said to him. “I know it isn’t exactly the way you want, but you’re a part of our extended family. That’s why I’m talking to you now. I’ll always be here for you. It’s just that our family is a really big family.” It tears me apart to have to say these words to him. I know the facts don’t really matter; in a sense, it sounds to him like he’s being abandoned again.
Pray today for the families who serve as “Godparents” to our kids—those who give a weekend here and there, contribute financially, help on holidays and get involved in our kids’ lives.
Nicolas did go that weekend to stay with his “family.” They are trying to work through this with him—trying to create stability, trying to love him without disappointing him. It takes a mature family to be able to do this. It is a calling.
Heavenly Father, thank you for each of these individuals and families who have responded to your call to be Godparents to our kids. Help them show love while they maintain boundaries and help our kids understand the depth of their commitment.